The 12th Mile: When Hard is Harder Still-Louise Gibson
I began my “Gibson” life as an Army wife. We called many places home until 1999, when we left the military
and moved into our first home in the Grand Rapids area. It was quite an adjustment from the desert Southwest,
where we had been stationed most of the time. We learned and engaged with our new Michigan civilian life, embracing the beauty of winter here!
In 2010, my husband and I were growing increasingly concerned about our daughter’s health. Something was not quite right. She was pursuing many ambitious academic and extracurricular activities, but the angst and depression were becoming more than just a bad day. One morning at our kitchen island, our daughter completely broke down. I knew we had taken a very real, hard turn, not only for her but for our family, too.
Whatever we were dealing with, we knew we had to take intentional steps forward into a completely unknown world involving “dis-ease” of the mind. This world had no mathematical solutions! As a math teacher, I related most to those kinds of problems.
Our whole family was introduced to an entirely new way to look at health.
The experience was confusing. It felt like emotional whack-a-mole, trying to obliterate the latest symptom that popped up. Every medication proved fruitless, causing a host of new problems but doing nothing to address the original problem for which it had been prescribed.
It was frightening.
It was incredibly heartbreaking.
My kid was sick, and I did not know what to do!
Eventually, even the people who supposedly knew what to do began acting like they did not know what TO DO… so, what do I do? It took over 9 years, multiple models of care, and over 28 different medications before we had an accurate diagnosis. However, Brittany remained treatment-resistant.
An older gentleman, a runner, got to know her. He has been and remains a genuine friend to my daughter. He got her running, and that did more for her than anything else. She is still on some medication, but movement and nutrition have helped her most.
She recently got married and is in a better place mentally. However, her disease of bipolar I continues to be a reality that she must manage.
In 2020, I felt compelled to write about our 15-year journey. The road of a sick kid is exhausting. Parents need to know they are not alone. I hope The 12th Mile: When Hard Becomes Harder Still can encourage and help.
You can find The 12 th Mile: When Hard Becomes Harder Still on Amazon….
The Hardest Part:
The hardest part was not having clear answers about what ‘best treatment’ looked like! I did not have a Band-Aid long enough, wide enough, or strong enough to fix it! I could not fix it! Whatever “it” was.
Mental Health and its illnesses are an entirely different discussion from fixing a broken bone! This constant theme seemed to sing like a chorus in the background of whatever we were facing. True health was NOT the goal—just managing symptoms! Are you kidding me? It felt like the countless medical interventions were experiments!
Were they really treating my daughter like a petri dish? I hoped not! But it sure seemed like it!
The Hardest Question: What does a parent do when their sick kid keeps getting sicker?
What Has Helped:
Far and away, my gym and faith communities have supported me abundantly.
The best encouragement was Psalm 13:2, where David speaks to what a parent caregiver is
feeling: "How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart".
When I read that, I felt seen…I did not feel alone. I felt understood! That was huge!
God led me to become a runner—specifically one morning at the gym. It was hilarious and restorative!
Hilarious because sports had never been my friend. Restorative because I truly felt like I recovered from life when I ran. It transformed my journey. Endurance sports and the lessons I read from Olympic and elite athletes taught me how to keep taking my next best step. When I ultimately ran a marathon, I learned some very important principles that I applied to my caregiving journey:
Run the Mile You Are In!
Violent Consistency: Showing up today with the hope of a better tomorrow.
Your thoughts matter.
Encouragement is powerful.
What I've Learned:
About myself: Running taught me how to fail! I was always after the “A+”! It is a joke in our house, but there is some truth to it! I needed to learn to fail and to be curious about the journey toward becoming better and stronger! This was a huge skill I used as a parent caregiver. My sport has been an incredible gift to me and has literally trained me to be better prepared to be the encourager/coach my daughter needed! Run with
perseverance! It is true in life…not just in sport.
My child: Brittany is stubborn. What a gift this has been. She does not give up easily! It can also be dangerous,but overall, her stubborn resolve has been a great strength. Her perspective and compassion about life are unique. This has also been both good and difficult. She sees others’ pain in a way most miss. Beautiful.
However, when she understands her world in a way that is not entirely complete, it is hard for her to see things from a different point of view. But that is kind of all of us. Nevertheless, it is a unique challenge for her.
Parenting in the journey: In hard seasons and those that become harder still: Embrace the Imperfect. In that you meet hope! And…Louise Ann needs to chill about life a bit more!
My passion is to raise the volume on the conversation about the Collateral Damage that occurs in families caring for a loved one with chronic care. A family is a team, and everyone is affected when one person is hurting.
A Message of Hope:
A parent’s presence matters. As I said earlier: Violent Consistency. Keep showing up every day—good days and bad ones, too! This is an active, daily love letter to your precious, struggling one, reminding them they are not traveling this illness alone.
You are seen. Your consistency is powerful not only for the loved one you serve but also for those who witness you loving well when it is hard.
A community like Salus Collective is critical. Walking this journey without
people around you who get it is no way to travel.
You are not alone.
Over 60 million people in the United States alone suffer from mental health challenges! That is a whole lot of caregivers! We are part of a special group.
Engage your mind, body, and spirit with things that rest you. We are fearfully and
wonderfully made. Let’s take care of us so we can take care of those who need us.
You can purchase Louise's book on Amazon to read more about her and her family's story.
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